Determined to have my first sign language conversation with a Deaf person, I approached a Deaf student I recognized from school and promptly forgot almost every sign I knew. My side of the conversation was quite literally “Hi! How are you! Um…what’s your favorite…color? Cool bye!”
And then I pretty much ran away. 
No matter the language, first encounters with native speakers can be SCARY!
A man from Cameroon told me: "We have only two seasons. In the rainy season, it’s raining, and in the sunny season, we lay in the sun and enjoy our bitches."
I froze.
(He meant beaches.)
(He was speaking Cameroon English, not british or american English.)
Your story made me smile, thanks for sharing. I hope one day I will be brave enough to try speaking in French to someone and I can only hope that any mistakes I make are as harmless and sweet as yours 
Me too ! 
I have heard a man asking for an “attrape-moustache” in a drugstore in France.
Instead of: “attrape-mouche” (fly catcher / fly swatter).
In Deaf culture, to get the attention of an entire room (to make an announcement, for example), it’s common to flicker the lights. So I was super embarrassed when I leaned against a light switch at a Deaf event and turned off the lights! When I turned them back on, everyone was looking at me expectantly. All I could say was “sorry, oops, nevermind, sorry…”
Granted, flickering the lights would get anybody’s attention, Deaf or not, but as an assistant coordinator of the event and everything, I really shouldn’t have done that. 
It’s “se souvenir.” The way I memorized it originally was to remind myself that you buy souvenirs when you go on a trip so you can remember the place that you visited.
Hm, that’s a good idea. If I can manage to remember it…
In 1961, yes I know this some time ago, my friend and I travelled by train returning from a holiday in Switzerland. We were young males living in The Netherlands. Not far from the German/Dutch border, my friend observed a particularly beautiful young woman who sat opposite us with her mother. Not being able to contain himself, he exclaimed whilst looking at the mother: “Ihre Tochter ist ein Schwein für Sie” (Literally: Your daughter is a swine for you) upon which he received a terrific smack on his face from a very angry mother. Oh boy, did he get his German wrong. In Dutch, the verb ‘zwijnen’ means being lucky. In German, the expression 'Schwein haben" means, yes you guessed it, being in luck. However, the manner in which he expressed himself so incorrectly definitely did not convey the meaning he thought he had attached to it. Perhaps he could have stated: “Sie haben Schwein gehabt mit solch einer schönen Tochter”. But again, this is still not how we should express ourselves whilst travelling in a train.
I work as a dentist in a primary health care center, so I ask every patient if he is diabetic, hypertensive, has asthma, bleeding disorders… etc.
I once asked a man if he was pregnant, to my surprise, he answered: “No.”
I am a german, english in school was not my favourite. Long ago, today my language skills are more bad, i was meeting my cousins from the USA. We saw a drunken man. I said, ouih, he has a flag.
??, my cousins didnt understand. I tried to explain, several times, a long time. They laughed and told me, its there the expression for to have /get bull*s eyes .
Please excuse my bad english, at least i can read something.
@gaukler
At least you can actually communicate, and that’s the real goal in learning languages 
I heard a story about a Polish guy who wanted to buy a pregnancy test. (He wasn’t good in English at all and was obviously stressed, because of the circumstances) and went into a local drugstore (I’m sure it’s “chemists” in British English). A lady asked “Can I help you?” and he answered “Yes… no… um… maybe baby” xD
(post deleted by author, i was not sure it was true)
Tried to tell my Latvian boyfriend that I’d eaten a salmon sandwich (sviestmaizi ar lasi) for lunch. Actually said ‘a bear sandwich’ (sviestmaizi ar lāci).
I hear they’re pretty filling…
Hahaha.
Few years ago we were hosting an official delegation from London in my country and as a part of the program I was showing them old town and various attractions of my city. At one point of this cultural exchange, while we were standing in the yard of an old church overlooking some picturesque places, a member of the delegation noticed some peculiar buildings. I explained that these were Turkish baths with hot springs. He seemed very interested so I told him it worked 24/7 (they had very busy schedule) but he wanted to know if the person that scrubs worked after hours, since it wouldn’t be the same experience without it. I had no idea but didn’t want do disappoint him, he seemed very exited. I excused myself, stepped aside and started to call everyone I knew who, I suspected, frequented said baths and after some time, very happy with my accomplished mission, I called out to him from the distance “Mr. Johns, Mr. Johns, I’ve found you a scrubber!!!” Every man in the delegation started to laugh and women were mostly blushing but on the verge of laughter as well. I was very confused and they tried to apologize between bursts but couldn’t hold it together long enough…
Finally, it turned out that in English (maybe just British English) scrubber is a slang for a prostitute, definitely not something they expected to hear from the (then) protocol of the Ministry of Justice 
Haha
This isn’t really an anecdote, just a realization:
I have a struggling math/science student with who needs support learning English. Her English is more fluent than my Spanish, and I am glad. It is a good thing that I can model persistence and joy in language learning, while pointedly NOT modeling that this language acquisition stuff is easy. My student giggles at my Spanish pronunciation, and I am absolutely thrilled that that is there is a space in our school day where she gets to be the expert. At this moment, I am so glad that I am not more advanced in my language learning. All is well.
That’s fantastic! I’m of the belief “Docendo discimus”.
